Thoughts about playdates

While it's on my mind I thought I'd share some wisdom. I don't have much in the way of child rearing advice but feel I've figured out the playdate thing, at least where my child is concerned. I had a good chat to a close friend about this not so long ago and it's all just seeming so much clearer now. She is my go-to for anything parenting related... everyone needs someone like that in their life.

To cut a long story short, I've decided that a four year old just doesn't have the social graces to 'host' a playdate as many adults would expect. Certainly not as I expected and I've come to learn this the hard way. If I'm stating the obvious then read no further. 

We've had many, many playdates over the last couple of years and so often I've found myself being angry with Lucie. Either she's not listened, not co-operated, not made her guest feel welcome enough, not shared, not compromised, not, not, not, not. You get it. Surely you're reading this, as I am now, asking if I've got rocks in my head. To be honest, I think it comes down to how much I want these playdates to work. Thankfully though, I've had a total epiphany in relation to play dates recently and it comes down to one simple sentence: she's only four.

Don't get me wrong, I am not a mum that expects my small child to be all adult like and I know as well as the next (or even better than the average next) that kids will be kids. But, I'm human and I need reminding. When you think about it, really think about it, a play date is quite an adult notion. I'm talking specifically about the kind of playdate that involves inviting another over to play sans any significant adult, not the one that is about the mum relationship that is based on a friendship without your kids - when you really know each other and bring your offspring along to play while you chat/lunch/coffee, etc (because that kind of play is totally, totally ok in my book). 

I refer to a playdate as quite adult because when you think about it, hosting another person in your space isn't something that comes easily or naturally to children of Lucie's age, and nor should it. We as parents need to expect that they might not share or be graceful or kind the whole time and that's ok. Can you tell that they person I am most sharing this with, is myself?! I guess I just wanted to put my thoughts into words. Call it a reminder :)

So what is the solution and am I making any sense here? In terms of a solution I've decided, through trial and error, that the average four year old can last about an hour and a half (give or take that last half hour) before the whining, the fighting, the tiredness and the overall boredom sets in. For me, this is when it gets tough to decipher bad from age-appropriate behaviour. As well as sticking to this kind of time, I think it's also about keeping a good eye on what's going on. Being far enough away to let them feel they are having a good independent play but close enough to step in if and when a third party adult could come in handy (and let's face it, that's going to be a matter of when, not if!).

Am I the only one? Sometimes it used to feels as if I had the only child on the planet who couldn't handle a playdate. She wanted them so desperately and then failed miserably when they did eventuate. Or did she? NOOOOOOO!!! I DID. What I had to absorb, accept and remember is that it's not a failure if there are tears from either party, if the child who visits does not have the best time they've ever, ever had or if toys/games/dolls/food or otherwise are not shared miraculously the whole time. That's what being four is all about.